why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize