somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
