so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
