i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
