My underwear smells like fireworks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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