maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
