Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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