And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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