Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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