allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
