I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
