Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
