My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
