my room smells like sperm. sweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
