I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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