It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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