mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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