Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
