don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
