the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
