I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
