pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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