You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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