My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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