Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
