I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
