Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
