it hurts more in the daytime
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
