Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
