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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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