Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
