Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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