I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
