He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
