I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
