DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
