so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
