I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
