You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
