Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Floor bacon is actually really good
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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