Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
