I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
