ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
