woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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