I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i drank out of a bidet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
