I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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