Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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