high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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