i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
