I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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