Duck Duck Cougar?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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