This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
