Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize