Slut skills are useful in every country.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
