i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
