Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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