i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
