Define "chronic" masturbator.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize