8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
