do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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