i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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