Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
