Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
