I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
