If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
