so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
