i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
