bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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