Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
