got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
