well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
