Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
