oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
