Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
