I wish you could order shots online.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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