I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
