i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
