i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
