dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
