it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
