I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
