upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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