he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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