he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
