this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
